K(ancer)

She would come into work with her infectious smile, bubbling with enthusiasm. Red flaming hair and freckled skin. She adored her young son and husband, and enjoyed being with us, her friends. We loved being around her. She had a way of brightening up one's day. I never, ever saw any negativity come from her, even when she, she.....

Felt a lump, and the doctor told her it was nothing. Said it was just probably a cyst and not to worry.
A few months later another doctor diagnosed her with breast cancer.

I cannot begin to tell you what this woman had gone through. The mastectomy didn't work. The cancer spread. Chemotherapy and radiation didn't work. The cancer spread to her lymph nodes. Things weren't looking so good. She'd come to work with that bad wig but she still had that infectious smile, I could tell the cancer was taking it's toll but she was determined to beat it and stay positive.

Doctors tried every treatment available and after the third round of chemo, the cancer spread through her bones. Her smile was weakening, defeat was starting to show. But she still trudged on the best she could. For her young family, her friends, me.
I remember telling them at work we should all shave our heads so Janine wouldn't feel so alone or isolated in her disease.

Then I felt the lump. Words cannot describe that feeling of impending doom. My first thoughts went to my own son who lost his father at age 8. What would become of him if I were gone too? Torturous, torturous moments in time. I didn't want him to go through that again. He didn't deserve this.

My doctor whisked me to biopsy immediately. I caught it early. Laying on a cold gurney in the hallway waiting for my surgery. Laughing at the power outage and blaming it on Friday 13th. They successfully removed the small lump and 13 lymph nodes. How ironic. I was so happy to be alive but it wasn't over yet. The doctor told me after one week of the chemo the hair would start to fall out and true to the day it did. A friend shaved my head because I didn't want to wake up one morning with long hair spattering the pillow. That would be hard to handle.

Being one of the lucky ones, I never got ill from the chemo unlike Janine who went through a terrible time of it. All of it. I tried to remain positive like her, tho oddly enough had a hard time talking to her about it. Maybe it was because mine didn't seem as bad as hers and that made me feel a little guilty.

When I went wig shopping I wanted to throw up. They were horrible and MADE you look sick. I vowed from that day on to wear my baldness in pride, with cute hats and bandanas. The radiation after the chemo left some burn scars but that's all that's visible. Battle wounds.

There are three things that got me through it.
My very supportive family, Janine and her positive attitude, and spelling cancer Kancer.
It's been 10 years, and I'm Kancer free.

Sweet, sweet Janine lost her life to it.

SO you wanna be on TOP?

There's hope for us all. When I first saw America's Next Top Model, I refused to watch it thinking 'Good-god, not another stupid reality show!' Well, now I love Sunday's all day run. I used to think all models were naturally beautiful even before makeup and airbrushing. Now I realize, these are just normal everyday gals. There's hope for us all. I've always wondered what I would look like all made up and prettified. Back in the day I went to Glamour Shots and came out looking worse than when I went in. Was I the victim of someone's bad day, or first day? Hopefully sooner rather than later before gravity takes it's final hold, I'll get that makeover I'm so curious about. :)