little girl blue

It had only been a year since I gave my barbies away. At fourteen I had my first job.
I felt proud, all grown up. I wanted to go camping with her. She was a few years older than me yet I was permitted to go. It was all so innocent. Her father caused me to lose my first job, he didn't like his brother. But I still wanted to go. I had a new blue flowered swimsuit. Still childlike, puberty had not quite set in. I was so excited. Her uncle was much much older, he seemed real cool. The wild child.

I don't remember the ride or where we stayed.
But I remember a young girl with long blond hair in the playground not much younger than myself. He said he was 'waiting' for her to grow up. She looked so innocent swinging on the swing. Something didn't feel right, but at that age I was unsure of what it was. He confessed the purpose of me going was 'to be with him.' I was confused yet relieved when he said it was not to be. I often wondered later whose saving grace that was?

I remember going to some cabins and my friend drifted off. I stayed behind at the campfire. I was feeling abandoned yet liked the new attention. The guys around the campfire treated me like their peer, drinking a beer. I felt woozy right away and one guy kept me from falling into the fire. As a Neil Young song played, he began to tell me a story. In his rage, he told me about four college students getting killed in Ohio. I had no idea what had happened. I just remember his intense face.

I often wonder what happened to him. Had he himself gone on to college? Head mass demonstrations for fallen causes? Did his intense excitement stay kindled, or did his causes die like those flickering flames?