MY AGONY

I've had my share of emotional tragedies. Although inevitable, and unavoidable, death will cast it's cloak upon us all. There was a time a few years ago that I just seemed overwhelmed by the deaths in my family due to their untimely circumstantial passing. One morning, my agony was released when I awoke and put pen to paper. The following is an unedited version of what came to me. Hopefully it will help someone in their own torment and grief.

My Brother lay in a pool of his own blood. Words cannot describe how I felt when I myself received that dreaded call early one morning. All I could do was scream. How could this happen? A brother, a son, a nephew, a cousin, a friend, loved by all? A person so full of talent and life. The poet, the dreamer, the "one" who got things done. It felt like my heart was being wretched out of my skin, and I would walk miles to lay a single beautiful perfect rose upon his grave. Sitting there crying, talking, rejoicing in the life of the day, sharing news, stories, new songs. How could one who brought so much joy to others, bring so much pain? I still do not know if it were you who took that gun, and put it to your chest my brother, I do not know the events of that day. But you will always be in my heart, and even to this day, I pray that you are in that place, that peaceful place, in the midst of God, finally understanding all, knowing all, and loving all.

My husband lay there screaming in agony. A skeleton of a man, why would a disease such as this take the life, this beautiful life out of such a wonderful man? A husband, a father, a brother, a son, a cousin, a nephew, a brother-in-law, a friend, loved by all? My heart was slain when I found you that day. You would not let me take you to get help. You would not let me sleep by your side, nor have your son in the house that night. Yes, "they" say you know, when it's your time, yet it was not our time. A man so full of love for his family, who gave every waking moment tho in constant pain, to share the joys of childhood with his young son. You continued your life the best you knew how. You gave more to me and Joe in your short life, than anybody I know. You will always be in my heart, and even to this day, I pray that you are in that place, that peaceful place, in the midst of God, finally understanding all, knowing all, and loving all.

My mother lay there lifeless. The morphine riding her veins so as not to feel the pain of this tumor growing so rapidly in her beautiful body. A woman who was absolutely loved by all. A mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a cousin, a niece, a mother-in-law, a friend. There are no words to describe the look in your eyes, before you slipped off into unconsciousness. I wished I could take the pain from you, your fears. Yet, I rejoiced in hearing your last words..."HE IS HERE!" and tho it was hard to let you go, I finally had to take my grip from you, and let you slip away. I have you in my heart always, and will never forget the love that you had for me, and the sacrifices you gave for me. You brought such love and happiness to all those around you, and people were drawn to you like a magnet. I take your spirit with me everywhere I go, in this road that I travel now, and know that I will always have a piece of you in me, and in this I am content. You will always be in my heart, and even to this day, I pray that you are in that place, that peaceful place, in the midst of God, finally understanding all, knowing all, and loving all.

My sister, I was not with you the day your sweet young life was taken from you. My heart is still filled with such pain, such pain, that's so hard to bear. A sister, a daughter, a mother, a niece, a cousin, a friend. Where did you lose your way in life? If I could have seen, I would have kept you safe from harm. My baby sister, I'll always remember the good times, and keep your memory close at heart. You were loved by many, in your wake, this I seen. You touched many lives in your very own way, and you will not be forgotten. Your tragic ending bothers me to this day, the twisted metal of your coffin cannot be erased from my mind, yet, you will always be in my heart, and even to this day, I pray that you are in that place, that peaceful place, in the midst of God, finally understanding all, knowing all, and loving all.